Wednesday, August 21, 2013

"V" and Second Marriages

Previously In the A-Z series

"You can't judge someone for losing their virginity... If they are ready they are ready, its really none of your business" (by unknown)

"Before labeling someone as 'used'... take a peek into your past, you might find that you are 'used' too" (by Genie)

Hello Everyone,

The institution of marriage is something that has been present in different forms across the ages and something which is common across all the cultures. It is a sacred union of a male and a female with prospect of supporting each other and coming generations. But when the age old idiotic concept of virginity comes into picture then it tarnishes the sacredness of this pious institution and makes it meaningless. Recently one of my blog friends posted a blog titled - 'Virginity, a gift to your man?' I have been thinking to write on the same but she beat me to it. But still I will present my views on the same. I would also like to take up the issue of second marriages in this very blog and the social stigmas attached to it.

In an extremely traditional country like India where there is a lot of orthodox viewsstill prevalent, a woman/ girl has to tread very carefully to avoid any social shunning. Virginity is a concept that is sadly very important to men about to get married. Why? I just don't understand. What does a girl being virgin has to do with a good future married relation. Some people might say that this means I encourage pre marital sexual relationships? Well I am nobody to comment on it because it’s a matter of personal perception. In my opinion there is nothing bad in it as long as the couple love each other and remain faithful to each other after marriage. But that’s my opinion and I am not going to enforce it on anyone.

In Indian society, and also in many countries with constricted thinking a girl getting engaged in pre marital sexual relationship is equivalent to committing the crime of a murder. I ask, why? What difference being a virgin makes to the married relation? Ironically, guys can get involved in all the pre marital sex they want and no one will lift a finger against then because for the guys it is considered ok. Then why not for the Girl? Why the character of a girl is tied to her virginity?Really sad I think. The character of a person in a relation is defined by how he/ she treat the partner and the attitude. But the society will never understand this because the individuals don’t understand this. In the opinion of the males, a girl has to be all prim and proper throughout her life, no matter in how many different things the males indulge themselves in.

There is also an issue of second marriage. A girl trying to do the second marriage is so much looked down upon, that sometimes I feel that she is doing a crime to want to get married again. The label of 'used' is put against the girls going for second marriage. Why the same label is not put against the guys going into second marriage? Why this discrimination? And we talk about gender equality through jobs and opportunities. There will never be gender equality unless these stupid notions lying at the root of the attitude and mindset are not cast off forever.

Just think a guy 'allows' his wife to do jobs but does not see her equal just because she is a female. Then no matter how much high level equality is achieved, there will be no gender equality. Coming back to the topic of virginity and second marriages, based on the way the society thinks I feel I belong to a illiterate community and not an advanced human race, I feel that the old civilizations when there were no concepts such as virginity (or at least not so prevalent), were much more advanced than the current hypocritical, orthodox and moron society and I feel I should separate myself from the individuals who think like this.

Judging character of a girl based on the parameter of virginity is equivalent to crime, nothing more. Let’s judge people by their individual qualities rather than on stupid notions. Society needs a different outlook on the subjects like virginity second marriages, single mother and fathers. Then only there will be true development in the society, country and world.

My article may seem like I am all in favor of premarital affairs, but its not that. What I am trying to say is that attitude matters and at the end of the day it should be the prerogative of the girl to decide on the matter and not the other way round. Society should not dictate terms to the individuals on personal choices but the person should decide for themselves.

Genie Signing off